10:08 am on February 23rd, 2015

Going Public about My Fitness Journey

This past month is when I finally went public about what I am doing. There are probably a lot of reasons why I haven't shared much about this to a lot of people. The ones that stand are are these: 1) I'm not in the habit of talking to people about weight, working out, or health & fitness - especially in the personal sense. 2) I was afraid I wouldn't stick to it and then look stupid. 3) I worry about putting so big of a focus on my physical body, and that people will not attend to the rest of me - which I think is more interesting and important.

I got to thinking about why I had gained weight in the first place. Why was I the heavy girl in high school? Some of those answers are simple. My breasts developed very fast and it was awkward. I had large breasts and got a lot of unwanted attention. And, it was expected... the voices from childhood were clear: "You're going to be fat. You are going to have a big belly. Eres una gordita."

What is odd though, is that I'm not given much by disempowering thoughts. There are not many areas in my life where I don't feel powerful - but this was one. Matthew has always pointed out that my relationship to pushing myself physically is odd - he doesn't think I have been authentic in this area and it has been a contention between us when riding bikes in the past. I always complained about hills or any little thing. I had a bad attitude. The only place that didn't show up in terms of activity was in sports that I loved - like skiing or racquetball. It didn't show up much with swimming either. But two of these I had 'given up' and the other was not convenient right now... so if I was going to step up and make a fitness change in life - I was going to have to give this stuff up. In part, that is why I bought the groupons - I was going to dive in and put myself in uncomfortable places and just do the hard work to shift my attitude and response. In some ways I was going to apply what I learned in the Landmark Wisdom course on the area of health and fitness. I think it's working. My habits are definitely changing.

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When I started all this, I told Matthew and Dana and not anyone else. Sometime in January, I began a dialogue with Nicole - a friend of mine in California. Then as particular successes began to happen - I began sharing tidbits on Facebook. Mostly it was how far I had bicycled and then it was that I was having to give away clothes because they were too big. I have now shared the plan including the goals and the achievements and much of the context with about 3-4 other people - and its pretty liberating. I want it to be ok to talk to me about my weight and I want others to feel comfortable asking me questions while I'm in the process. I plan to be in the process of being fit forever. In my next post - I'll share the goals. 

So this past weekend was a measurement point again. I hit 173 lbs on the scale. And my aggregated waist, hips and bust measurements have dropped a total of 11 inches. I'm grateful that the weight and inches are dropping proportionally. Basically each area is down between 4.5 and 5.25 inches... and I think it shows.