9:46 am on January 23rd, 2015

Faster than a Speeding Bullet

For a lot of people who know me, they know that when I really make a decision about something - things tend to move quickly. It's been no different when it comes to this journey of fitness that I have taken on. I muddled through the first few weeks trying to determine a path forward in an area where I am either a complete novice or I have actively rejected for most of my life. But once I began doing familiar activities - like research, planning, and setting goals, everything moved like wildfire.

I'm not sure if I said this before, but I've never really dieted. I have had an attitude about my physicality that is if my body does everything that I ask it to do, then I am healthy. Anything that reeked too much of body consciousness, or buying into the pressure to be thin, I rejected. 

kristina.jpg

What I didn't realize in doing that, was that I was resisting health and well being to a certain degree. I also allowed some disempowering conversations to thrive when it came to doing certain group activities. I would tell people I didn't like group activities but really what I did not like was that in something as simple as a yoga class I would spend so much time in my head comparing myself to others that I felt defeated. And I would just say I didn't like it so as to rationalize not participating. When it came to nutrition and eating, I have had relatively good or healthy habits and conversations. I just never wanted to be one of those people who tried and failed at diets - so the best way to avoid that was not to ever diet. Essentially, I was a master avoider when it comes to my body and my weight - so much so that until this year, we've never owned a scale. I'd weigh myself once per year at my annual checkup.

So research started changing everything. First I started looking at people. What would be inspiring? I found this picture of Kristina Hendricks online (I didn't know who she was) and I posted it with a vague comment about it being an 'after inspiration'. About 2 people knew what I meant. I read blogs, looked at a ton of photos and I began considering myself as a physical body. I found a few interesting sites online where they showed pictures of different real people at different heights and weights. I just didn't know what I could look like and I wanted to have a vision for change. These were fantastic for inspiration and they helped me get over the photoshop nightmare that is media and women's bodies. Here are two of the sites I found:

http://www.mybodygallery.com/

http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/heightweight.html

It was in late December that I had Matthew take before photos of me. I did some with workout clothes on, and some naked. I have known since I was a teen, that my own perception of what my body looks like is not correct. So for this undertaking I was going to document it. I bought a scale, took measurements and began documenting my progress. As the business adage goes "you can manage only that which you measure".  

At the end of January I was down to 189 lbs. I had also dropped a total of 4.5 inches between my hips, waist and bust measurements. That was something I could get my head around. At that point is when I began to set goals for the future.